By an anonymous child of an addict

 

I love you

But you were terrible

And I fear sometimes that I’ll become a worse version of you

I hate the fact that you tore our family apart

 

What I learned from you

Well, I learned how to pretend

Learned how to keep going, while living with a constant, empty feeling

Feeling so strange in the company of others

Lacking the comforting feeling of what a family is or how to belong to one

Or how to stay in one

 

Raising my own children based off of movies using fictional characters

And acquaintances who were kind

I always wanted to see you free

I wanted to see you dance

With a life so full of hope

 

Looking through a telescope I found your love

All my life I tried to reach it

Thought I could help you find it

Show you how to love and be loved

But I wasn’t able

 

The continued failures shattered my spirit

Hugging the skeleton I once called my mother

Why do you choose this life, its insanity

Smoke-filled lungs breathe words of nonsense

I’m stuck plucking out the bullshit you filled my brain and heart with

 

What’s it like living in such pity?

No shame or remorse that you ever speak of

Oh, the world did this to you?

Oh, it’s everyone’s job to care for you?

Like we owe it to you?

 

The constant guilt is unreal

My twisted sense of love is constantly worrying about your survival and how it’s my responsibility to ensure it

 

I want to go my own way, but I don’t want to beg your pardon